walk this way

Here are some things I’ve picked up along the way.

All about ‘HER’!

Its all about her.  Really.  That means that as a leader, you are there to show her off, to show her a good time, and to make her feel amazing.  Anything else and you’re really just stroking your ego (and a few other things).  Honestly.  There’s a term that my first tango teacher used to use to describe guys that were showing off for the room, the cameras, and his friends: A fanfarrón.  Google Translate references that as a “Braggart”.  It loosely translates as “Show off” or “A Spanish Peacock!”.  I know guys like this and I know guys that do nothing but that.  And they’re absolutely terrible to dance with for a variety of reasons.  Not the least of which is that they’re not dancing with the woman they’re with, they’re dancing with themselves and there just happens to be a woman along for the ride.  Some women like that.  And its fun for about 90 seconds until SHE wants to do something to add to the fun…Oooops, sorry honey you can’t do that, there’s no space for that to happen because its all about him.  Instead I take the approach that she’s doing all the work, and she should get all the credit and that the leader is nothing more than glorified wall paper, pretty wall paper, but wall paper none-the-less.

A Leader Centric World ?

We live in a world where what the leader is doing is far more important that the follower.  Go to almost any tango class on a nightly basis, and not bash anyone else’s teaching style … really!, but you’ll hear a teaching couple or leader teacher talk about the LEADER’S perspective, and very little about the follower’s role.  You’ll hear language like, “Follower’s, you have to WAIT for him” or “You have to apply pressure for him Followers, give him something to push against!”.  Now here’s where I differ from that idea spectrum: What she’s doing is far more important than what he’s doing.  She’s doing all the work, and he’s really just moving her from place to place to place.  That’s it, that’s all.

Understand this, that most Leader-Teachers do NOT follow, have not fully explored the followers role, or worse haven’t followed socially, and/or in heels.  So they have absolutely NO CLUE how it feels to walk in heels, backwards, all night long.  And until they’ve done that work themselves, they really have no basis from which to comment on the follower’s role.  I have (oh and so we’re clear up until a short time ago, I owned a pair of comme il fauts and wore them out socially).  I believe that in order to talk about the follower’s role in the dance, and there is a role for her and don’t let no one tell you different, that you have to dance both sides of the embrace, socially, on a regular basis.  Clearly, cleanly, and competently.

Learning Both Parts.

Some teachers will tell you that follower’s should never learn how to lead.  And that leaders, its ok for you to learn to follow but really stick to leading.  I’ll give you the keys to the city right now and years from now when you’re flying along and everyone is amazed at how you’ve grown as a tango dancer and how quickly you’ve done it, you remember where you got this tidbit from.  LEARN BOTH PARTS AT THE SAME TIME!  You can do both.

Both Sides.

Both parts are equally important to be certain.  His job is the following: 1.) Architecture, how you look, what shapes you make.  2.) Rhythm and timing.  What beats you are following and how to apply that and where.  3.) Clear, and clean navigation.  Her job: Everything else.  And if you think that’s nothing ?  Think again.  Tango is dance between STRONG equals.  50% lead and 50% follow.  Anything less than that on either side and someone is doing a lot  more or less ‘work’ than they need to be doing.

Here’s an example, Ladies if you’ve been to Argentina already, you know the Argentine men there will tell you that you’re fabulous to dance with, amazing, stellar…yadda yadda yadda, yet when you come back her to the states the men constantly complain about x, y, and z, and they’re terrible to dance with.  There’s some truth to these platitudes, yes you are stunning, yes you are amazing, and yes you probably look f*cking hot in that little black dress you bought for the trip and the shoes you just purchased!  However, you still haven’t learned how to walk yet.  Think back and you may recall something about the Argentine embrace, how it literally felt like you were being lifted ever so gently ?  Yet when you come back here you don’t get that ?  There’s a reason for that, that’s because you were being lifted!  The fact is that in order to get around the floor (UNLESS you’ve learned how to walk and move) then he was literally picking you up and moving you as best he could without you ever knowing it.  And he never said a word to you.  Here in the states, they don’t do that.  How sad ?  No ?

Here’s another example from the flip side:  Leaders have you ever had a follower that’s pushing and pulling on you, throwing you off your balance ?  She’s hanging on you ?  And you feel like you’re having to move a ton of bricks ?

Both examples are truisms.  However, if both sides realized that they both have a job to do (in the case of the follower above…taking responsibility for your dance and moving yourself; and the leader taking responsibility for HELPING her to move!), the the dance gets a lot easier.  I believe that both sides need to help each other.