walk this way

[NOTE: Warning, this post contains explicit thoughts and language. Be careful. Further more and lastly this is only a partial listing of some of the complaints and concerns I've heard from people in the time I've been dancing.]

At some point along the curve of your tango insanity, you will likely come to a road sign that says, “QUIT TANGO” with an arrow pointing in another direction. More than likely one of the reasons to quit are below. All of these reasons are valid, and only 1 of them may be real at the time, but they all come down to only 1 thing: Tango isn’t doing it for you the same way anymore.

So first let’s look at some of these reasons below, then we’ll flesh those out, and finally, we’ll get to the nitty gritty.

Possible Reasons:

1.) Tango Politics.*
2.) Nobody to Dance with on a Regular Basis.
3.) BAD, need I say more ? *
4.) Idiots, Ingrates, and Assholes.
5.) Less than desirable floorcraft. (see my earlier post on the subject) *
6.) Less than desirable musical choices on a regular basis. *
7.) Not enough venues to dance at.*
8.) Its the SAME (X number) people at EVERY single event. I’ll go INSANE!
9.) I don’t like myself anymore, I don’t like these people. Golf is much simpler.
10.) Its NOT BsAs, its (fill in the blank), do the math!
11.) My husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend doesn’t dance and they’re jealous and want me to stop. *
12.) Someone keeps wanting to dance with me that I don’t like and its a small town and I don’t want to hurt their feelings so I should just stop.
13.) Someone hates me and doesn’t want me around. I feel like a leper and a social tango outcast. *
14.) I’m not good enough.*
15.) This is not fun anymore.
16.) I don’t hear the music.
17.) The shoes, the music, the clothes…good lord Im going to go bankrupt!
18.) I haven’t been to BsAs and I’ve got no interest in going.
19.) No time.*
20.) Its like high school out there, and I HATED high school!
21.) Kids, need I say more ?
22.) Salsa (could be: Blues, Swing, Ballroom…) Baby! *
23.) Sex. I’m not getting laid as much as I used to because of this f*cking dance!*
24.) None of the Above.
25.) All of the Above in some measure or form.

A Few Details.

Tango Politics. This means for those of you that teach, organize, or teach and organize, that you have had enough of the local infighting of teachers for students, that you have had enough of the nice-nice game that happens, and really just want to speak without having to guard your words, be criticized, be critical of, you just want to be yourself for a while…and not deal with all the silliness that comes with being at the center of a tango community. Its a lot of work. Its painstaking work actually. You’re always working to support other people, you’re a tango resource for your students, for the people that frequent your venue, you’re always at or near the center of activity…its f*cking tiring. Everything you do or say is personified a 1000 times in some way, shape, or form. And to be honest with you, you are just SICK of it all. It’d be nice to kick back and not have to worry about all that stuff anymore…wouldn’t it ?

BAD. You look around a room and you see all measure of bad on any given night. You see the same guys pushing and pulling their followers. You see the same followers who you WISH would just go take some private lessons, please for the love of christ. Just go take some lessons, please! These people have no idea what the ‘real’ tango is all about, because they’d never survive in BsAs. This is what YOU see, Im not saying this is what I see, but you see it that way, and its REALLY disturbing to you.

Floorcraft http://www.barefootango.com/thoughts/floorcraft.

Musical. Let’s face it, its the same 400 or 500 songs you hear from 10 to 12 year span of tango music. Its in a different order sometimes, played by different people, at different intervals. You have your favorites, maybe. But realistically its the same music. Why is there this obsession over the same 400 recordings of 70 year old music that sounds like it came out of a tin can ? I mean really you’ve got better things to do with your time right ? Like for instance, sorting your lint collection for one. I for one have let me lint collection go and I need to get back to it.

Venues. If you live in a small town, you’re lucky if you have ONE milonga a month, let alone a week. 2 milongas in the same month ? Wow, what a luxury! Why learn this arcane dance if there’s only ONE milonga month, and its populated by all sorts of bad (see above) ? What’s the point. Or you have to drive like an hour just to get to a milonga, and maybe just maybe dance for 9 minutes, or 1 tanda with BAD, and then drive home. What’s up with that ? What’s the point ?

Romantic Partners. Oy. Talk about a drag. They don’t dance. They’re not going to dance. And they don’t want you to dance either. You love them, they ‘love’ you, or something resembling love, and they just want you to stop dancing because its just wrong to be in someone else’s embrace for that long and not want to have sex with that person. Right ? Well that’s their argument anyway. It makes them uncomfortable, and really down right surly to think of you in the arms of another person. There’s something not right about that. Or something along those lines. Really they just don’t get the whole dancing thing. And its causing WAAAY tooo much strife in the relationship. Is tango really worth all of that ?

Social Tango Leprosy. You have experienced social tango leprosy. Its not fun to walk into a room and feel the hate on you. There’s no way in hell you’ll ever survive it. Its just best to stay home and deal and watch TV. That level of disgust with who you are as a person is just too much for any one person to bare for any great length of time, let alone months if not years in some cases. [Miles Speaking] I’ve been on the receiving end of this far too many times, never the giving end, and to be honest with you…its tiring. I’ve wanted to hang up my shoes more times than I can shake a stick at simply because of this reason. No one likes to be hated on. [/end Miles Speaking]

Not Good Enough. You think, believe, or know that YOU suck as a dancer. You can not put one foot in front of the other. And what’s worse is that the whole room knows it. Its true. You can’t dance. Period. Why bother ? You should just go home. Right now. Not kidding. Stop reading. Disconnect from your facebook tango friends. Stop. Cease and desist all this tango jabber. You can NOT dance. True dat! Well that’s what you believe….

No Time. You are a busy busy busy person. And life just keeps pulling you in other directions. You’ve a life, a job, a wife, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a husband to support and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. You love tango but you love _______ more. I mean really, its like high school anyway. So why bother ? Right ?

Other Dances. Salsa (or ___________) is faster, easier to learn. There’s more salsa venues, more salsa dancers, and there’s just more. And you can dance all night long. I never sit at Salsa. There’s always someone to dance with. With Tango I sit a lot. I can’t ask anyone to dance, or when I do I get shot down. I feel like a social leper half the time like Im high school. Salsa is just easier. Its more fun. I have a better time there.

SEX. I haven’t been laid in _____ (days/months/years) because of this fucking dance! All of my friends are tango dancers and I don’t want to date any of them or sleep with any of them. My father always used to say to me, never shit where you eat, it will always taste like shit…eventually! Not to mention its also not that good for you. You know a person has NEEDS and I NEED to have SEX. I just can’t figure out a way to have sex, dance, and not have sex with a dancing partner that doesn’t end in a romantic dysfunctional explosion all over the dance floor and we have to divvy up the milongas!

There are a ton more reasons to leave tango than what I’ve written here. I’ve gone through every manner of these myself. In any number of variations.

However there is only 1 reason to stay though.

TANGOBLISS

Tango is supposed to be fun, yes. Its not supposed to be so serious that you can’t see straight. Sure there are moments of intense concentration, however, if you’re not smiling, laughing, and having a good time, then there’s something not right here. Really.

However, fun is only a smaller piece of the picture: TangoBliss is where its at baby! If you say FUN, people can relate to that! However, tell them ‘TangoBliss’ and they stare at you funny and then you have to explain it to them.

Hmmm, but how to create TANGOBLISS ?

First things first. Improve your skills. Really. You want a whole different quality of tango fun, a whole different level ? Private Lessons, or Classes on a regular basis from a variety of teachers. That will most certainly change your perspective and what you’re able to do, and there by change what’s possible for you!

Secondly, get out of Dodge! Really. Go some where else. Repeatedly. You need to get out of your home dancing turf, go experience what tango is like in other communities. Not just once, Not just for a festival. But a lot! Variety is the spice of tango. Has it occurred to you that all of the reasons listed above are due to boredom or lack of excitation. Remember what it was like to go to a milonga for the first time…or the first few times ? That’s what you want. That anticipation of the unexpected!

Thirdly, I can’t speak for the high school aspects of tango other than to say that some people are small, petty, and really need to check themselves at the door but rarely do, myself included! I mean its just tango, rrrright ? However, you can improve your own experience simply by smiling…A LOT! Don’t look like a stiff!

Fourthly. Really, Time is a bitch, there are no two ways about that. You never have enough time in the day to do the things you want. Other things always get in the way. My father always used to say to me, “Son, you make time for the things that are important to you.” He was right. You’ll make time for tango or you won’t.

Fifthly, really relationships happen. They come and go like the wind. People come into your life and then they leave for one reason or another. If someone that you love, and they’re not dancing with you, or won’t, trust me the reason that they don’t want you to dance, has nothing to do with you…it has everything to do with them. Telling someone not to do something because it hurts YOU is no reason to for them not to do it. Its selfish and wrong, period.

Lastly, if you want to leave tango, please go right ahead, but don’t announce it to the world, do it. However before you do, trust me when I say that there’s a reason you are here in this dance at this point in time. There is something for you to learn about yourself, about the people around you, for you to interact in the world, and something else that you haven’t even considered yet.

There is more to the ‘one reason’ you should stay, actually there are a lot of reasons to stay. One that comes to mind, is that every once in a while, along comes a tanda that changes everything. They happen less and less frequently with time for a variety of reasons, but when they do happen…wouldn’t you rather that the door way for those moments to happen be open than naught ? Close the door on Tango but think of what you’d be shutting off…think about it for a moment. Where else, in what other place in your life do you get that tanda that just blows your whole circuitry ?

As Garrison Keillor says at the end of every one his The Writer’s Almanac Podcasts, “Be Well, Do Good Work, and…Keep in touch…”

Now read the one reason to stay.